Pain

God has given me hope and peace and understanding through difficult situations many times over in my life. I am learning that when you are married and something happens to your significant other the pain is completely different than your average challenge. It's not the two of you against the world. It's the world against the one person you love the most and you feel as though you are the only one left to defend them. You feel as though you cannot fight hard enough, you feel as though you cannot be supportive enough and that your job as a spouse has been stripped of you in every way. What do you have that will comfort a spouse who cannot walk without grimacing in pain. A spouse who tries to hide their pain although you see it everyday in the way they walk, sit, breathe and scream out at night? All you can do is feel helpless and useless and smile when you don't feel like smiling. All you can do is pray even though the silence at night makes you feel very alone and leaves you with questions. I think of all the other people out there who have had to fight silently in this way. I think of all the friends I have that go through this everyday or more often than they would like to admit. I think of their strength and I am encouraged and thankful for it. I think of who I want to be like in this and who I want to be coming out of it. The very first words I ever heard from God were, "Be still and know that I am God." All we can do is be still. Two months of pain and I pray that my spouse is delivered from it. My swimming head and my spouses' hurt, and our beating hearts will be one as we face this adventure together. And this is what it means to be married. Love so utterly with all that you are that you hurt when they hurt and you find strength when they have none left. Be humbled when you need to ask for help and wait on God to deliver you as you render broken and still before God.